Right before leaving

So, the moment I’ve been waiting for since months has finally come, and I still have to realize tomorrow I’ll be leaving. Though, right before leaving, I just had to stop and think a bit about what I am about to leave behind.

It turns out that memories of people, memories of happiness, memories of anything are just a part of everyone’s life. How can you destroy a memory? It would be like killing a part of your life, a part of you. Memories are something that sometimes remains forever, and when they stop hurting you, you realize the big picture.

I think I have to be glad for what I had, for what I felt, for everything. For last summer, the best one of my life. For my ex-girlfriend, when we were happy and freaking in love. For a person that tought me the meaning of life, and then showed me that I actually understood what he never did, and he showed me how proud he was for me.

Sure, these things will never come back. But I had them. And some people don’t even know what it feels like, so… I think, in the end, that I have to see the glass half-filled. And because now, I’ve already had a lot of satisfactions. So I wanted, before going on, to thank some people.

First of all, my closest friend of a life. Well, you always bring a smile upon my face, no matter what.
To my friends I met at university, if I remember how many moments we shared, both happy, both sad, I just can’t believe we know ourselves from just a year, thanks.
To a special friend of mine, that helped me getting through in any way, there are so many things I’d like to tell you that I probably can’t say here. I’ll just say thanks, and that I don’t want you to suffer.
To a friend that is more like a sister, you just don’t know how important you are to me. And I will never forget your help, and the night you really watched me cry, I could see in your eyes what I was looking for. I know you from a lifetime, and I’m so glad I have a friend like you. Thanks is probably not enough.
To my friends blessed by Chakra, we live so far, but I’d really like to meet you one day. I never thought I could meet some people like you in a similar situation, but I felt you when I needed it, and you always had a right word when I needed it. Thanks.
Thanks to everyone, also to some people I met in the last months, to some old friends coming back (;)), and… well to everyone that makes my life a wonderful one.

It’s when you stop complaining that you see what you have. And I have so much, so much that I don’t know why I should suffer. And this is probably why I don’t suffer anymore.

But before leaving, before starting it all over again, before I just start a “new life”, from some points of view, I wanted to look back one last time.

I wanted to have a look at last summer. I wanted to remember how wonderful it was. Just traveling around the world with my friends and my ex-girlfriend, going with my band in Calabria, what a summer! I will never forget it. I felt so free, so happy, that sensation can’t be just described with words. And I want to say thanks, to everyone who made it the summer of my life.

I wanted to have a look at my ex-girlfriend. I wanted to remember how happy I was. I finally found out what love is like, I grew up, I finally found out what I needed. I felt happy, for real, for the first time. I said, and thought, “I love you”, for the first time. With you, by most means, it was my first time. You’re nothing but a memory now, but thanks, because now I’m stronger, and I’m a better person.

And finally, I wanted to have a look at when I was young. I wanted to remember some time spent at my Grandmother’s house. Going to the fair. Stealing sweets. I wanted to remember my first trip to Milan without parents. Do you remember? You took a fine… how many laughs! I wanted to remember our talks about sex, about crazyness, holidays, while you were watching me growing older. I wanted to remember the nights we spent together drinking a beer and telling one another the story of our lives. I wanted to remember you, because even if you’re not there, I wanted to tell you one thing: I am now what I am also thanks to you. I just hope you’re proud of me, I’ll promise you I’ll fight through each day, and I will have the strength you gave me. You gave me so much of it, that there was no more for you. But remember: until I live, you still live in me.

Looking back makes you cry, brings you back in a place you’d like to be. But you know what? This time, when I looked back, I cried. But not because I was sad. I was actually crying in happiness. Because I lived those moments, and I still can feel how much they gave me. This time, when I looked back, I smiled. And that’s how I’ll start again: with a smile. Remebering that something is still waiting for you out there.

No, erasing is not useful. You just have to keep your memories in a safe place. You don’t know, one day you might find out you still like remembering them. And when you start back, you have to remember what happened, because you can’t run away. I’ll start again, but knowing what I felt, both good both bad. And shit, how I like starting again this way. Life is fucking beautiful, because you just don’t know how some things that should make you feel bad actually makes you feel the sweetest joy. It just happens. It just happens, like everything else. And now, sorry, but the world is calling me. See you in a month, and just go out and enjoy what you have.

~ by drfav on 22 July, 2008.